blue cabbages
by renegade of sanity
Summary: azula and cabbage merchant find true love in one another. author's ntocieL drunk as fuckright now! Yolo! Dag. Plz rate and review, but go easy, cuz drunk. dawg!


Blue Cabbages

_Summary: The Cabbage Merchant breaks Azula out of prison so that he can kill the Avatar and his friends once and for all. Azula/Cabbage Merchant. Pure Crack! _

_I'm so fucking drunk right now. yolo_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar they belong to Nickelodeon_

Azula sat in the dark icy metal prison, her back leaned against the cold stone wall. She was a princess and prodigy daughter of the great Fire Lord Ozai, but now she was a prisoner of her nation. Left to rot alone, she cried angrily and softly like the bloody tears of the archangels.

A few weeks or was it years? Azula had never been very good at math probably because she's a crazy ass bitch. Right, so a few years she would have been sitting at home, but now she wallows in her feces. The guards don't even give her the dignity of taking a bath and so she had been forced to cover herself in her own feces to prevent bacteria from infecting her. (AN: its what pigs do to keep clean)

"Fuck you Katara, Sokka, Toph Bei Fong, Suki, Appa, Momo, Avatar Aang and most importantly fuck you Zuko, my older brother whose 21 years old right now!" Azula screamed out in fury echoing through out the chambers of the Boiling Rocks.

One of the guards, named Yuan walked angrily to Azula with the fury of a thousand Komodo-Rhinos. Each step carried the weight of a ten ton beast not because he's fat, but he is really angry at Azula.

"Hey! Shut the fuck up! We're trying to play Blackjack here and you're constant bitching is ruining our fun!" Yuan yelled angrily at the top of his extremely manly lungs. Suddenly, a single cabbage flew through the air and hit the guard in the back of the head. It smashed his head into bits throwing skull fragment, grey matter and blood all over the halls and cells.

A ton of blood and grey matter had landed on Azula which was super gross and she was freaked out by the guard who had been killed by a single cabbage. Last time she checked cabbages couldn't kill me.

Azula looked down the hall at the man who was standing mysteriously in the shadows. "Who the hell are you? You fucker!" Azula screamed angrily because she thought he was an assassin sent to kill her. "If you try anything funny, I'll fuck you!"

Flames ignited on both her palms, but they were red and not as hot as those of her blue flames because the prison was super moist just like your mom and thus firebending was near impossible.

"Relax Princess, I'm here to bust you out of these joint," the mysterious man said mysteriously coming mysteriously out of the myterious shadows. Azula took one good look at the man. She could clearly tell that he was a simple Earth Kingdom peasant just from his emerald green eyes and green clothes. He had light tanned skin and a white bread and hair that looked incredibly sexy under the moonlight.

"Why should trust a lowly Earth Kingdom peasant like you? I bet you're not even a bender," she answered like a fucking bitch.

"Because I'm the only hope you have on escaping. Now do you want out or not?" Azula thought about it for a bit before replying.

"Okay, get me out of this shit-hole." The Cabbage Merchant grinned in delight as he pulled out a cabbage lockpick and broke the lock. Azula stepped out of the cage with a grin on her face.

"After all these years I'm free! It's time to conquer earth!" She shouted out loud before releasing an over dramatic yell.

Suddenly, a large group of White Lotus guards rushed to Azula's cell having heard her over dramatic yell. "My Blimey! What in the buggery is going on here?" A White Lotus Guard named Harry said out loud staring out the escaped Azula, The Cabbage Merchant and Yuan's corpse like the rest of his fellow guards.

The former princess shot an azure fireball at Harry's head which quickly lit on fire. "Spirits! My head is on fire! Somebody help!" He screamed out in agony as he quickly begin to panic.

One of his fellow guards named Yin looked at his flaming friend and noticed a bucket sitting within his reach. Without second thought to the strange greasy smell coming from it, he threw the contents of the bucket at his friend. Suddenly, out of the blue, Harry's entire body lit on fire. He screamed out in agony and pain.

Yin looked at the bucket, it was actually gasoline. "Yin, you fucking asshole why the hell did you throw gasoline at me?" Harry shouted angrily screaming in between every syllable.

"I didn't know it was gasoline! Who keeps Gasoline next to a prisoner, let alone one he can bend fire!" He replied shouting at the top of his extremely manly lungs. Harry quickly burned to death living nothing behind but a black charred corpse.

"You'll pay for that you bitch!" Mi Ki screamed out the with the force of a true water tribe warrior. He tried bending the gasoline, but then quickly remembered that even through gasoline is a liquid, it contains no water in it. Realizing his mistake, he tried to draw moisture from the air, but he was too slow as The Cabbage Merchant throw an Iron Cabbage at his head taking his head clean off.

The two quickly disposed of the rest of the guards with ease using either firebending or cabbages. They then quickly escaped out of the Boiling Rock. And by escape I mean they killed everyone and burned the entire prison to the ground.

The two stepped outside of the burning looking at the fire nation capital within the distance. "I think it's time he give Zuzu and the Avatar a visit," she said with an evil grin on her face.

"With pleasure princess," replied The Cabbage Merchant and the two slowly, but surely walked over to the Fire Nation Capital. However, they had forgotten about one single guard who was running to the capital to warn the Fire Lord and the Avatar of Azula's escape.

"Whoa, Zuko you must have done a lot of remodeling. It no longer feels that somebody is going to stab me behind the back," Aang complimented having notice the changes to the palace. The lighting was much better and the colors were pleasant to look at.

"Uh thanks," he replied awkwardly as they made their way to the palace's dining hall. Suddenly The Cabbage merchant appeared and fucked them both the butt until they exploded like blood. Azula than showed up and grinned evily and said, "muh muh avatar is dead. Now rule."

They than started to make love and it was super hot, but than suddenly, Zuko came back to life as a fucking zombie. He used firebending to burn cabbage merchant and his sister. He than whipped out his cock and shoved it into her burnt pussy while also eating her.

"Shhh, he said," softy and the light soon took this booth.

Author's ntoice: whats y goys think? Be easy cause i'm drunk as fuck when writing this shit, but I might rewrite later when i'm not so drunk. Dawgs!


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